Little Magic: Jeans that fit
Go ahead and hate me: six months after I had my first baby, I was skinnier than I had ever been. My clothes hung off my hips, my stomach was legitimately flat, and I needed to belt my super-slim jeans from college.
I went to a clothing swap at a friend’s house and there, I found the perfect jeans for my perfectly thin body. They were size four (petite), well-worn and stretchy, soft and oh-so-comfortable. I sat down in them in the living room as I nursed my son while the rest of the women at the swap tried on more clothes in another room. I felt like a glowing, gorgeous goddess. Curvy all my life, I felt…willowy.
I went back upstairs to the group. My friends were tossing clothes into piles, picking shirts out, trying on sweaters. “I want to have sex with myself in these jeans,” I said. I couldn’t remember feeling this beautiful — without also feeling hungry. Nursing my oversized child was a miracle drug.
Except that I was literally a husk of myself. The magic ran out just a few short months later, when I couldn’t sleep. I started crying at midnight every night, wondering what was wrong with me, why my baby wouldn’t sleep, why I was so alone. When my baby woke me up in the morning, I was filled with dread. I couldn’t see how I could do this — how anyone could do this.
